getting attached - some thoughts on "bonding"
by Dr Shirley Zipperlen PhD, Certified Infant Massage Instructor
Bonding is the term used to describe the deep love that develops between two human beings. It is particularly associated with the strong emotional attachment that develops between a mother and her baby but is not exclusive to this relationship. The word “attachment” has a similar meaning and is often used interchangeably. It is generally accepted that bonding is a two way process while attachment describes a relationship from one entity to another.
bonding & attachment - a two way street
Bonding in human beings is a process that occurs over time, and that can start at any time in a person’s life. In the case of the mother to be, loving and protective feelings towards the baby can begin as soon as pregnancy is confirmed, and a majority of women report strong feelings for their baby before it is actually born. In the case of the baby, emotional attachment to the parents can begin at the moment of birth. This is a sensitive time for bonding and in an ideal situation a newborn will be given to the mother immediately after birth, and will experience skin on skin contact for the first hour of life. During this time the baby usually remains alert, will make prolonged eye contact with the mother and will probably take his or her first feed. The baby’s first experiences are of the softness and warmth of his mother’s skin, her unique scent and soft voice, and the look of her face. All of these factors are thought to encourage an emotional attachment between the baby and mother and some schools of thought believe this moment is of critical importance in the bonding process.
a long term process
While the above describes the ideal scenario, skin to skin contact after birth does not always occur and can be impossible if the mother or baby needs medical attention. It is important to stress that a less than ideal start for baby will not harm the bonding process in the long term. Parents should not confuse the process with “imprinting” in animals which occurs at birth and is instantaneous (e.g. newly hatched ducklings forming an attachment to the first moving object they see). Bonding is a much longer term process and can occur between older children and their carers (as in adopted children) and adults (as a romantic attachment or friendship). Some experts believe it can take up to 6 months for a baby to become fully bonded to his or her primary caregiver, based on observations that it may take this length of time for the baby to show distress at being separated from the mother.
natural tendencies to bond
Factors that stimulate the senses in a positive way enhance bonding. Parents are instinctively driven to stroke and cuddle their babies, using nurturing touch to promote a feeling of wellbeing in their child. It follows that the converse behaviour of smacking or hitting children interferes with the bonding process. Babies are more sensitive to smell than adults and can recognise their mother’s scent immediately. This evokes positive feelings helping to strengthen the bond, and a new mother is advised against wearing perfumes or scented lotions that might interfere with her natural scent. A baby becomes attached to his mother’s voice while still in the womb and has been shown to recognise other frequently heard voices such as those of his father and siblings straight after birth. Speaking in a soft and soothing way to baby continues to evoke good feelings and strengthen the bond, while loud shouting can startle the child and be detrimental to the process. Eye contact is another important factor in producing a secure attachment between babies and their carers. Making direct eye contact shows baby they are important and the centre of the carer’s attention. It also allows for emotions to be read and for a silent communication to be exchanged. Finally feeding also strengthens the bonding process as baby comes to associate his nutrition and well being with the person offering food.
effects of separation from parents
Some experts have suggested that separation from a caregiver at any time during the first year can interfere with the bonding process, whether this is at birth or later, for example when the child is put into day care. Other studies suggest children need to bond with a minimum of five adults to be truly secure and that the day care setting facilitates this. What seems to be most important is that children’s emotional and physical needs are met promptly and consistently by their caregivers.
bonding and infant massage
By teaching infant massage an instructor is teaching some of the most important elements of bonding for young babies and their carers. Nurturing touch is obviously the basis of the massage, but parents are also taught to be relaxed with their babies, to make eye contact and to sing and speak with a soft voice. During the massage parents and carers communicate on a deep level with their baby, and get to know their child in a way that may have been unavailable otherwise. An understanding of the process is also important to reassure parents who may not have had skin to skin contact after birth, and to help understand the changes in dynamics between babies and their carers as massage enhances the bonding process week by week.
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If reproducing this article please acknowledge Shirley Zipperlen as the author and include our web address - www.chickabiddies.com.au. This article may not be sold without consent in writing from the author.
